Top, Bottom or Versatile?

If you’ve ever been in a gay chat room or discussion forum, chances are you’ve been asked if you were a top, bottom, versatile top or versatile bottom. These descriptors not only reference sexual roles, but represent the behavior in gay relationships. Some gay men prefer to identify themselves by these labels, while others prefer a more loose interpretation of their sexual preferences and relationship roles.

What do these labels mean?

Top -The penetrating partner during anal sex.

Bottom -Term used to describe the partner who is penetrated during anal sex.

Versatile -A versatile gay man enjoys a shared dominance in gay relationships. They are comfortable being the dominant partner, passive partner or both.

During sex, versatile men enjoy being either a top or bottom.

Versatile Top -A versatile top is comfortable with a shared dominance in gay relationships; however sexually, enjoy being a top more than a bottom.

Versatile Bottom -A versatile bottom is comfortable with a shared dominance in gay relationships; however sexually, enjoy being a bottom more than a top.

How do you know if a person is a top, bottom, or versatile?

Despite the many stereotypes and generalizations about gay sex, there is only one easy way to find out your potential partner’s sexual role- ask him (of course, at the appropriate time)! Keep in mind, however, that some men prefer not to label themselves.

Why are you being asked to label yourself?

Unlike the traditional generalizations of sexual compatibility in straight relationships, when two men are involved it is difficult to determine sexual compatibility before meeting. For instance, if a guy prefers to bottom (or be penetrated) during anal sex, then he will more than likely want a guy that prefers to top.

One again, there are no absolutes when it comes to each individuals sexual preferences. Some men use these descriptors as a mere guide, while others see them as a necessary piece of information before sex or dating.

How to ask your partner about his sexual preference.

Most men in chat rooms or message boards choose to explicitly ask if their prospect is top, bottom or versatile. Years ago (before gay men were able to find other men online), non-verbal signals were used to disclose their preferences. For example, if a band, earring, tattoo or other jewelry was on the right side, it signified a bottom. If they were on the left, then the guy was a top. Gay men also wore colors to signify certain sexual practices. Wearing these colors on the left or right would alert their partners if they were a top or bottom respectively. These non-verbal signs are rarely used today due to the internet and the ability for gay men to communicate and meet in other non-threatening environments.